He is Risen!!!

Happy Easter!!!  I am so thankful to be able to celebrate another Resurrection Sunday!  I will be forever grateful for Jesus' sacrifice for us.  Before Natalie died, I could never fully appreciate the sorrow God had to endure watching his Son die.  Also, I was never as thankful for his resurrection so that we can be with Natalie again.  Thank you Jesus!!!

This year, we decided to be less busy since Amira is still so little.  This make things more relaxing for me, thank goodness!  We attended church, ate a quick lunch by ourselves and then headed to my Dad's parents house about 30 minutes away.  We were able to spend a quiet afternoon just visiting with my grandparents, brother and soon to be sister-in-law, my parents and my aunt and uncle.  The kids provided good entertainment, too. :)  After a couple hours there, we drove back home with three tuckered out kids.  It was a good day. 

We had to wake Sapphira up to get her out of the van to take pictures so she wouldn't smile nice for a picture.  Blowing wish flowers was ok though. 

First Easter! 

Up close and personal

Oh Bubbo...

This was as good as it got!  Don't you love their matching dresses!?  I can't help myself!

Pretty girl

We didn't get pinched!

We typically don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day in any way at our house.  We don't tend to do the smaller holidays much (we aren't against them at all!), but I will always remember leaving the hospital after Natalie died on St. Patty's Day because the nurse who helped us fill out the paperwork to transport her the mortuary was wearing a string of green shiny beads.  It reminded me that time had not stopped outside our hospital room walls and we now had to return to real life and learn to cope with the gaping hole in our hearts.  Sigh.

Anyway...now that Malachi is in school, he's learning about these things and was told that he had to wear green or be pinched.  Malachi picked out his greenest shirt for the day, but upon looking through the girl's clothes, there was no green to be found.  Then I remembered the green fabric on my shelf and got to work on some simple and soooo stinkin' easy circle skirts.  I used this tutorial for Sapphira's skirt and this pattern for Amira's.  In just over an hour, I had these two skirts whipped up.  Loooove it!

The night before: Sapphira's just waiting for the morning to measure her waist and put in the waistband.

Matching sisters.  Sapphira was so excited!

Such a good baby sitting through church.

Green nursing toes.

Talking with Papa at lunch.

Amira: 15 days old

Natalie's Day

Since Samuel was working on Natalie's actual birthday, we decided to celebrate Natalie on her Heaven Day.  We took the kids to see Wreck It Ralph at the $2 movie theater and had popcorn and soda while we watched.  Malachi and Sapphira really enjoyed the show and Amira was such a good baby...so quiet and snuggly.  Then we got 7 lavender balloons from the grocery store and headed home to let the kids color pictures for their sister before we let them off.

Working hard for their sister.

Malachi's picture for Natalie.  Every year we let them draw whatever they'd like which is always so sweet, but Malachi's was sad this year, too.  On the left is a drawing of our dog Duke who died several years ago.  The circle around him is the hole he's buried in.  Next to Duke is Natalie in "her hole".  He said that they are in their holes because they died and they are in Heaven now with Jesus.  Very true, sweet and sad.  Love you, Bubbo.

 Here's Sapphira's picture.  She drew her sister and then asked how to write her name.  Such a sweet girl.

Our yearly picture on Natalie's Day.  I love having the family pictures but hate that they will always be missing one member.

Malachi let his off so quickly I didn't get a picture of him with them.  Off they go! 

 So excited to send her sister balloons for her Heaven birthday.

 

 Off they go!

 Malachi blowing kisses.

Watching them until we couldn't see them anymore.

I'm so thankful that I am able to teach my children about their sister and do fun things in her memory, but on the other hand it makes my heart ache.  I wish they could have met her, felt how soft her skin was and heard her little noises.  I wish the fact that babies die isn't abnormal to them.  I wish I didn't have to console them because they miss their sister when my heart is aching at the same time.  I wish it could be different, but since it can't I can be glad.  Glad that they recognize her in pictures immediately.  Glad that they always remember to include her when we are counting up the members of our family.  Glad that they are looking forward to meeting her when we get to Heaven.  Thank you Lord for Natalie and take good care of her until we can again some day.  

We love you, Natalie!

Little moments

Such precious little moments with my growing family...

 

Sigh...my heart is full and happy.

Bath time!

Malachi and Sapphira were so excited to help give Amira her first bath and our nurse was so sweet to let them help.  We waited until they came back to the hospital after lunch to get her cleaned up.

She was calm and peaceful and only wiggled a bit. 

Sapphira got to help wash her body. 

Malachi got to help the nurse wash her hair.

Our nurses were so friendly and good about including the big kids in the things that were going on.  When they would come in to take our vitals, the nurse would explain everything that was going on and let them watch.  Such an exciting day for us all!

Meeting our Newest Sister!

Since Amira was born so early in the morning, we didn't have the kids come to the hospital right away.  Once we were settled in our hospital room, we got a bit of rest and Samuel went home to get the kids ready for Malachi's last basketball game on Saturday morning.  I was so bummed I missed it, but Daddy made sure to send me text message updates and pictures and video of his game.  Once the game was over, the family came to the hospital to welcome Amira.  We had the kids come in with Daddy so they could have some special time with their baby first.

 He was so excited to be able to kiss her little head!

 She is such a good big sister and was so happy to finally meet her baby.

 Holding Amira and getting a good look.

Sapphira really wanted to see her toes. 

 Makes my heart happy!

Sapphira held Amira when we told the grandparents and Bobo they could come in.  She was so proud to be the one introducing her to them.

More baby snuggles.  Amira was so good and didn't fuss once with all the passing around and kisses she was getting.

Sister snuggles

Thumb sucker??  Time will tell!

My Little Boy No More

Sapphira has been struggling with the terrible sickies that have been going around for the last little bit.  Fevers, cough, chills, runny nose and lethargy have been her main problems for the last few days.  Wednesday morning, she woke up with a fever again, so I called her sitter to tell her she wasn't coming and I stayed home from work to care for her.  Samuel went to work early so I was in charge of getting Malachi to school.  We loaded up into the truck and drove the 4 minute drive to his school.  I stopped at the crosswalk to let him out and he hopped out and said "I love you, Momma!" before slamming the door closed behind him.  As I watched him walk into his school I nearly burst into tears.  Long gone is the little boy who always reached for my hand to hold when he was in even a slightly unfamiliar environment.  Gone is the boy who needed affirmation he was doing the right things at the right time or sought my approval countless times throughout the day.  He walked along the sidewalk, knowing just where to stop to make sure with the crosswalk guard it was ok to pass through the bus lane, that the right-hand door was the correct door to enter and, as I peered into his school from behind the steering wheel, exactly which hallway to take to get to class, all while his slightly too large backpack bounced confidently on his shoulders.  I know that he'll still feel like he needs me for at least a couple more years, but my Bubbo isn't a little boy any longer.  I'm praying he continues to transform into the strong, confident boy is already starting to become. 

But I still miss my baby...

It's a....

It was so hard for me to wait for my big ultrasound at 20 weeks.  After losing the babies last year, I just was having a hard time keeping my nerves in check.  I'm still only having one OB appointment every 4 weeks and baby's movements still aren't super pronounced or regular, so I just wanted to see the baby and make sure everything was ok.  We had planned on Samuel and I just going to the appointment, but at the last minute that didn't work out, so the 4 of us headed for the doctor's office to have a look at our baby.  Malachi wants a brother so badly (he does say that he'd still love the baby if it was another sister) and Sapphira wants a "girl baby" (she says she will only play with the baby if it's a girl...oy).  We told the technician that we wanted to know the gender that day, but didn't want her to say it out loud because we wanted to surprise the kids later.  After just a bit of scanning we were able to see the parts we wanted to see and the technician went on to measure all the things she needed to.  I'm telling you, this baby was a goober!  It wouldn't stop moving and the technician was having a hard time keeping up with all it's wiggles.  At one point, she even had me lay so far over on my side that I was basically laying on my belly to pin the baby in to get a measurement.  She ended the appointment by saying that "un-officially" the baby looked great and that was one of the hardest babies she's ever worked with!  Sheesh.

After the kids went to nap, I went to Target and had fun buying things for the baby.  I wrapped them up once I got home and then we took the kids out to special supper to celebrate seeing the baby and to tell them what kind of baby was coming.  Sapphira opened her gift first...some white and pink princess jammies and a flowered onesie set.  Sapphira was excited that she opened princess jammies but no light bulbs were going off yet.  Then Malachi opened his gift...a plush pink elephant toy complete with crinkle sounds and tabs to suck on.  They both just sat there. 

"Do you know what these presents mean?  See the clothes are really little and the toy is for a baby." 

Nothing. 

"Momma has a girl baby in her belly!"  Sapphira immediately started yay-ing and Malachi slumped back in his seat and gave me back the toy...not a happy brother. 

"But I wanted a boy baby." 

"I know sweetheart, but God chooses the babies that come into our family.  You know, Jesus must have known that you were an extra special big brother to sisters to give you two!  You can be a super hero big brother!" 

"Humph"

"You can protect her from other kids and make sure she's happy and has what she needs."

You could see his wheels turning.  "Well, I guess I could save her if she started to fall."

After thinking about it for the rest of dinner, he started to become more and more ok with having another little sister.  Several days later, he announced that if the baby wanted Daddy while he was at work, he would hold the baby and make her happy since he is also a boy.  I know that things will be rough when we first bring her home, but it seems as though I might be able to better reason with Malachi and Sapphira this time around since they are older.  It was so good to see her little profile and the beginnings of chub on her arms and legs.  Although we still haven't decided on a name, it's nice not to call her "it" or just "the baby" anymore.  Here's hoping these next few months go quickly!!!