Friday, March 20, 2009

Natalie's weekend

This post is going to be a bit all over the place. I just can't seem to collect my thoughts about this very well right now and am at a bit of a loss at what to say. Sorry :(

March 14th marked Natalie's third birthday. We had wanted to do something fun to commemorate the day, but Malachi ended up taking his nap in the middle of the day and by the time he woke up, it was starting to get dark and the weather wasn't great. After dinner, Grandma, Papa, and our nieces came over and we had birthday cake. It was surprisingly emotional singing Happy Birthday to her and having our niece blow out the candles...Samuel and I both cried. I found myself being frustrated and being in a bit of a "why" mood this year. In the past I have always been emotional and missing her, but this year, on top of all of that, it just didn't feel fair...why can these other families I have read about have their babies healed and we couldn't? Don't get me wrong...I am so happy for those families and I know that was the way the Lord answered their prayers, but I just felt a bit jipped. I know that Natalie is whole and in Heaven with Jesus and this was the perfect answer to our prayers, but it is hard sometimes not knowing the reason why it is this way for us. It was just so frustrating for me to feel so terrible and not be able to do something to make the hurt go away. When I miss Malachi or Samuel, I can hurry home and get hugs and kisses and feel better, but that is simply never going to be the case with Natalie and I struggle with that.
The 15th was spent much in the same way...going to church and then heading home for naps and pretty much stayed home all day. Malachi was having some hind end issues, so that was probably best.
Monday the 16th, Natalie's 3rd anniversary, we headed off for the coast. My parents had a condo for the week, so they invited us to spend the night. Before dinner at Moe's (yummy!!!), we took 3 lavender balloons down by the water and let them off. We asked Malachi if we should send these balloons to Heaven so Natalie could play with them and he said "YES!!!". All the way from the store to the beach, he said "goons, La-lee", meaning "balloons for Natalie". He just gave her a name other than "sissy" this last weekend, so that was special and hard at the same time. As they floated...I mean sped (it was very windy and stormy that day!!)...away, we told him to say "bye" and wave to them. He waved with practically his whole body yelling "La-lee!!!". It was so hard not to just break down right there in the sand. Oh gosh how I miss her.

Each year, we take a family picture at this time. Here is this year's...
We love and miss you, Natalie. Snuggle close to Jesus until we can hold you again.
Love lots and lots, Mommy, Daddy, and Malachi


Alyssa and Ron said...

Absolutely beautiful! Love your family picture!

Teresa said...

Oh heart hurts a little each time I read your words about Natalie. Thank you for sharing these moments and feelings with us! I can't believe it has been 3 years! Love you girl!