I cried...

Today I cried. We have a niece, Addy, who is 2 months older than Natalie. Most days, it doesn't cross my mind or bother me very much. She is blond haired and blued eyed, so I guess she doesn't remind me physically of my raven haired sweetheart. Well, today was NOT most days. We attended Addy's ballet recital this afternoon and as soon as I noticed all the little girls circled around their teacher stretching, my heart began to ache. My sweet Natalie should have been in that group, too. She should have been huddled with her friends, whispering in each others ears, while they fussed with their outfits. Once they began to dance, my eyes began watering and I had to stop myself from losing it. People would have been wondering what was up with that lady in the front row who didn't even have a girl in the program. Natalie would have been gorgeous dancing in her black leotard, white tights, and burgundy tutu with her black hair pinned tightly into a bun at the nape of her neck. I would have loved to help Miss R sew the skirts for the girls and brought flowers to my ballerina to celebrate her accomplishments. Sapphira would have loved to watch her sister dance across the stage and Malachi would have tackled his sissy and cousin with hugs after the performance was complete. There would have been two Ramos girls posing in front of Christmas tree. It is days like these when my heart physically aches and the words "why Lord?" enter my thoughts...I never thought these emotions could be so strong. Goodness I miss her.