Monday, March 14, 2011

1826 days...

...since I became a momma. 6:37 pm, March 14th, 2006. I can't believe it's been five years already. We should be talking about where she'll go to kindergarten in the fall, winding down from a season of Upward basketball, getting ready to loose many things we miss out on. Instead, today we are trying to hide our grief a bit so the kids don't get worried, visiting a children's museum as a special "Natalie's birthday" surprise, eating birthday donuts without the birthday girl here to enjoy them with us. When we were getting ready to leave, Malachi asked where we were going. "A surprise", I said. "Are we going to Heaven?" "No, not today, Bubba". When we got to the museum, Sapphira was wiggling and clapping in her car seat. Samuel asked her if she was excited for the surprise. She shook her head no. Do you want to play? Another no with "Na-Na" (Natalie) added this time. "Do you want to see Natalie?" Samuel asked her this time. Sapphira gave a full body nod complete with clapping. Humph...

Natalie we miss you so much and your brother and sister can't wait to meet you and play together. I hope you eat tons of cupcakes with Jesus and Asher and you both snuggle close in His lap. We can't wait for the day when we are able to snuggle you again. We love you more than words could ever convey...xoxoxo Daddy, Mommy, Malachi, and Sapphira

Literally a minute or two old...taking everything in.

About 10 minutes old. She was so alert and moved her eyes around to see who was talking to her.

As I snuggled her close, talked to her and rubbed my finger on her cheek, she put her hand up on my face and gently caressed my cheek. It was then I knew that she knew I was her momma and that I loved her.

Looking into my eyes

She found her Daddy's finger. Whenever Daddy was close, they had ahold of each other. Adorable Natalie toes. She even had the funny second toe that stayed up above all the others like her Daddy. Most of her foot prints only had four toes on sweet.


Angela said...

Sweet girl, how you are missed. Hug Charlotte close for me as you celebrate your special day.

Melissa said...

I am so sorry you do not get to hug your daughter on her birthday. I don't know what to say because there are no words that make it "better" or "OK". There is no way to justify the loss of a child. I'm praying for you!!