Sunday, August 28, 2011

Click, click...

I originally wrote this post a month and a half ago, right after we found out that yet another pregnancy might end in miscarriage. These are thoughts I revisit often and use to comfort my grieving heart...

Fans of the TV show The Office can relate to this story. At Jim and Pam's wedding, they vow to take mental pictures of their special day since it would go by too fast so they remembered the little things forever. I watched this episode and tucked this cheesy little anecdote away in my mind thinking it was kind of cute. Fast forward to February when I will still pregnant with Asher...I has always had an uneasy feeling about this pregnancy, but thought it was just worry about being able to handle three children and disturbing the "balance" at home. I just couldn't shake this terrible feeling, and was hoping that my second appointment with my OB would help calm my nerves. On Sunday, February 20, the day before my scheduled visit, we ate lunch out after church with my in-laws like we do nearly every week. We chose a Burger King (hey, don't judge! :) It's one of the only places we can get both kids to actually eat!) which has an outdoor eating area that faces the window near the table where we normally eat. Malachi asked to eat outside, but being February, that wasn't an option. All four kids (my youngest nieces live with my in-laws) were extra squirmy at lunch so we decided to let them run around in the outdoor area for a bit before taking off. I stayed inside with all of our stuff, but sat right next to the window to watch. The kids, especially our two were having a blast just running and running and couldn't stop giggling. Sapphira noticed me inside and would come running up to and put her hands and nose on the window and just cackle. Something inside me, later I realized this was the Holy Spirit, brought the mental picture taking to mind. I sat and watching with a stupid smile on my face, my brain snapping away these little moments. Deep down inside, I knew that life would be changing the following morning, and I needed to grasp at happiness while I could. Now again, as life seems so uncertain (and soooo not fair!), I cling to those mental photographs. Two ridiculously happy children, running, laughing, oblivious to life's troubles. Thank you, Lord...oh how I love these children.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

I've been trying to do this more with Shayne too. I try to remember the way she smells after a bath or just the feel of her hand in mine. I hope I can remember it for all time:)