I'm sure most of my blog's readers have already learned this news, but for the sake of memory keeping, I need to post this here as well. This kinda explains my lack of posting. :)
At the beginning of this month, August 3rd to be exact, I suffered another miscarriage. We found out June 10th that we were expecting again with an estimated due date of February 26, 2012. At that point I was only 3 weeks along and my OB had me come in for an ultrasound on July 1st to measure the baby for age and to help us feel better after losing Asher. At that appointment, the gestational sac appeared empty and measured right around 5 weeks which is often too early to see anything developing. They ran some blood tests and my hCG levels were right on track so they didn't order any follow up tests. On July 11th, I had another ultrasound which my OB performed. At this point, we still didn't see any fetal pole, baby or heartbeat, just a round gestational sac measuring the appropriate size, so my doctor suspected a blighted ovum, but wanted to wait a couple days to look again to be sure. He saw me again on July 15th for a third ultrasound and no change was seen. We decided at this point to wait a couple weeks and see what my body was going to do while being monitored by my OB. We had done a little research and had found some online reports of blighted ova being misdiagnosed and were just praying and trusting that the Lord would fill that sac if it was His best plan for us. I had another appointment with my OB on the 21st since nothing had happened and it was at this point we saw the sac was no longer round or oval shaped, but had started to fold in on itself and looked more like a "c" shape. Although we were still praying for a baby to bring home in February and knew the Lord could perform that miracle, we also were aware that this pregnancy would probably be ending soon. Two weeks after that last ultrasound, I had an uneventful miscarriage at home. This time, the process was quite a bit shorter and less painful and traumatic. I wonder if this is because there wasn't as much "material" to pass, or if it was because I didn't induce the miscarriage with medication and let my body do it one it's own.
From what our OB has told us and the research we have done online, a blighted ovum is when an egg and sperm are fertilized, and the baby starts developing for just a bit and then stops. The gestational sac continues to develop, however, so pregnancy symptoms continue as a normal pregnancy would. We believe that life begins as conception, so we know that we have yet another child waiting to meet us in Heaven. We haven't given this little one a name yet since we don't feel the pressing need to name it like we did with Asher. I wonder if this is because we never got to see our sweetheart or it's heartbeat...I just don't know.
I healed physically quite quickly, and it is easy to get lost in life with two children and ignore the emotional pain and sadness that another loss brings. We have our sad and mad moments, but they are getting fewer and farther between. We didn't specially tell Malachi and Sapphira I was pregnant but didn't hide it either and although Malachi came along for all my ultrasounds, he never got to see a baby, so he didn't really talk about it very much. There was one night, however when talking to my Mom he said, "Momma thinks her baby isn't growing. I just want to have a baby at my house." Goodness...what to say to that one?
We are again blessed and so thankful for the love, support and prayers we received during these last few weeks. I constantly wonder what people who don't know Jesus and have wonderful like-minded friends and family do when in these circumstances. I know I would be so much more of a mess than I already am. Thank you friends and family for your love and thank you Jesus for your promise of Heaven and for taking care of my babies for me until I can again. xoxoxoxoxo
Slow Day: Week 21
12 hours ago