Goodbye 2011

The procreation department was not good to us in 2011.  I am now surrounded by babies the same age as Asher and bellies the size mine should be if I was still pregnant with Azra.  Not fair.  I am not angry at any of these mommas, but there are some days it is hard to be around them and feel genuine joy for them or stay engaged in a conversation with them.  

I took these pictures back in September when I was supposed to have been due with Asher.   I have a big calendar on my desk at work which I happily wrote his expected birthday the moment I was given a due date by my OB.  

 When I tore off August, my breath caught in my throat when I saw this...my scribbled out due date.  Then I growled (yes I growled audibly at work...oy)...but no tears, just frustration and "why".  What could I do?  I couldn't just rip September on the 1st.  My desk is too small to keep a pile of papers over the infuriating note all month.  I complained to a fellow BLM by email.  She suggested the following...

...so much better.  I just happened to have this picture tacked up on my bulletin board at work and it was just the right size.  I have to admit though, there was a pile on my desk most of the September...not purposely, perhaps subconsciously.  Thank goodness I didn't have a 2012 calendar during the summer so I don't have to repeat all this in February.

While a big part of me is happy to see 2011 and it's associated sorrow pass, another part of me knows that I have a lot to be thankful for.  Two happy and healthy children who celebrated another birthday, the  strengthening of our marriage, family and friends who love us so much and take such good care of us, jobs that help provide for our little family, the hope associated with Samuel attending school, and a loving Savior who gave up so much so that He could promise us that we will see our babies again.  

Here's to 2012...it's got to be better, right?

Sweet Azra

Right after the devasting earthquake in Turkey in October, I was reading an article (this wasn't the exact one, but it was similar) about a 2 week old baby girl, her momma and grandmother being rescued from their apartment building nearly 48 hours after it collapsed. The little girl's name is Azra.  The author goes on to state that the name Azra means pure or untouched in arabic.  I had been feeling bad that the baby we lost in August didn't have a name, but we hadn't found a name that we thought fit or that we liked.  I know that it was God who prompted me to click on that article, because I have been avoiding things that had to do with babies lately.  I had a feeling that I might have been carrying another girl, so this name just fit.  Once I saw it, I told Samuel about it and he said, "yah...that's good." and it was done. 

Sweet little Azra...pure and untouched and snuggling with Jesus.  Hope you are having fun with your brother and sister, running and playing...well, perfect and whole.  We love you so much.