My Hope is in You

Bear with this post...it really is going somewhere important!!!

Ever since Aaron Schust's song, My Hope is in You, started playing on the radio it became a family favorite.  I first loved it because of the message it brings and would turn it up and sing it loud every time it came on.  Once Malachi started hearing me sing the words, he'd belt out the chorus with me.  Now Sapphira has caught onto the lyrics and not only sings it with us, but will often sing it on her own throughout the day.  This makes my heart so happy!  On Sunday morning, Sapphira was having an attitude problem and I wanted her to stay home from church.  Samuel didn't like the idea and put her in the car anyway.  She didn't want to go to Sunday School, so she came to service with us.  She was not being super quiet but the music covered up her distractions.  Near the end of worship guess which song began to play??  That's right...Sapphira's favorite song.  A huge smile covered her face as she climbed into my lap so we could sing together.  We belted out the chorus...I'm sure people could hear my off-key singing over the loud music and wondered if we were crazy!!...and I knew that it was a good thing the Lord made Samuel not agree with me.  It was just the thing both Sapphira and I needed to calm our hearts and attitudes.



I meet with You and my soul sings out
As Your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my hearth cries holy
Hallelujah, Father You're near

My hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries glory
Hallelujah, Father You're here

My hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone

I Will with on You, You Are My refuge
I Will with on You, You Are My refuge

My hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
my hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes, understanding is my song and I sing

My hope is in You alone,
My hope is in You alone,
My hope is in You alone

These last couple weeks, mainly these last several days, this song has taken on a new meaning for me.

We are praying and hoping that this new family memeber will come home with us in March 2013.  I haven't been to see my doctor yet because I am trying to secure some health insurance (they won't see me without any).  Will you join us in praying for the strength of this child?  That he or she will grow big and strong enough to come home with us?  That our nerves and worries will calm and that we will hope in the Lord (this has been a particular struggle for me in the last couple days)?  He knows the future and we are confident in His plans, but we have been trying for another baby at home for well over a year now and our hearts have been broken many times.  Thank you for your love and prayers. (See I told you I was going somewhere important! :D)

Goodbye 2011

The procreation department was not good to us in 2011.  I am now surrounded by babies the same age as Asher and bellies the size mine should be if I was still pregnant with Azra.  Not fair.  I am not angry at any of these mommas, but there are some days it is hard to be around them and feel genuine joy for them or stay engaged in a conversation with them.  

I took these pictures back in September when I was supposed to have been due with Asher.   I have a big calendar on my desk at work which I happily wrote his expected birthday the moment I was given a due date by my OB.  

 When I tore off August, my breath caught in my throat when I saw this...my scribbled out due date.  Then I growled (yes I growled audibly at work...oy)...but no tears, just frustration and "why".  What could I do?  I couldn't just rip September on the 1st.  My desk is too small to keep a pile of papers over the infuriating note all month.  I complained to a fellow BLM by email.  She suggested the following...

...so much better.  I just happened to have this picture tacked up on my bulletin board at work and it was just the right size.  I have to admit though, there was a pile on my desk most of the September...not purposely, perhaps subconsciously.  Thank goodness I didn't have a 2012 calendar during the summer so I don't have to repeat all this in February.

While a big part of me is happy to see 2011 and it's associated sorrow pass, another part of me knows that I have a lot to be thankful for.  Two happy and healthy children who celebrated another birthday, the  strengthening of our marriage, family and friends who love us so much and take such good care of us, jobs that help provide for our little family, the hope associated with Samuel attending school, and a loving Savior who gave up so much so that He could promise us that we will see our babies again.  

Here's to 2012...it's got to be better, right?

Remembering...

"When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses his or her partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them." President Ronald Reagan.

Today is pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day. Please light a candle from 7-8 pm in your time zone so there will be a wave of light traveling around the world in honor of our sweet babies. I will do so today in memory of all the babies I know who left too soon, but especially my three lovies:

Natalie Sapphira-3.14.06-3.16-06

Asher-2.2011

and Baby Ramos, whom we never got to meet-9.2011

I'm praying for all my fellow baby loss momma today as you remember your sweethearts. xoxo

Goodness Lord...

We found out today at my OB appointment that our sweetheart died three weeks ago. Goodness Lord...not sure sure how we'll handle this one...

Please pray!!!!!

Samuel got a call earlier this afternoon from the hiring manager for the State job he just interviewed for. They are trying to check his references and since they are all in the private sector, he aren't allowed to say more than "yes he worked here". The State requires that they get an indication of what type of worker he was, so Samuel's references aren't giving them what they want. If they don't get the answers they want, they won't hire him even if everything else is perfect. Samuel gave them the personal number for one of his previous managers so hopefully he will give them more information. Please pray that if this is the perfect job, the State will be satisifed with what they are able to get!!!!!

Poor Chi-Chi

Yesterday morning, Malachi woke up with a terrible cough that sounded like a seal barking. He said this throat hurt but didn't seem to feel bad and played like normal, took a good nap and slept fine last night. This morning, however, his throat was so bad that it was affecting his speaking voice. He was still playing normally, but was a bit more snuggly. We took him to the doctor and he said that his lungs and ears are fine, but he has a virus that has settled in his throat and should be gone in a couple days and just taper off like a normal cold. They gave him some liquid steroid medicine that lasts for 48 hours to help calm his throat down so that it hopefully won't affect his sleep and refilled his inhaler since the doctor said that there is a chance he could get his normal "along with his colds" asthma. Hope my honey starts feeling better soon!!! I thought the summer was supposed to be sick-free! ha I guess I'm learning differently! :)

Job Interview

Please pray this afternoon...Samuel has a job interview at 1:45 with the State. It is for the same position in the Oregon Health Plan call center that he interviewed for a few weeks ago, but for a full time position instead of half time. Could this be the Lord's perfect job??? Can't wait to find out!

Interesting week...***updated***

***2/19--Teresa reminded me that I didn't mention how Sapphira measured at her ultrasound. She was one week larger than average (at her other ultrasound and all my OB appointments she has been between 1 and 2 weeks big), but the technician said that around this time and especially in the last month they really start packing on the ounces. She also joked that we might see each other again in the next month or so!! Oy...bigger than 9 pounds? I just hope her head isn't as big as Malachi's. I shudder a little just thinking about it. :)***

...so far at least!
Monday morning I had my normal OB appointment. Everything looked good but still measuring big, so he wanted to get an ultrasound done to see exactly how much larger than average she is now. I also mentioned to him that I have been super thirsty with this pregnancy and even after drinking 3-24 ounce water bottles at work, I still come home parched and drink tons all day. He said he would wait to think about gestational diabetes until we had the ultrasound done. I also mentioned to him about how dry my skin is and that I think my eczema is coming back even with trying so hard to keep hydrated. I think this perked his interest some because he had his nurse prick my finger to take my blood sugar. Sure enough, it was "really high", so he wanted me to take another 1 hour glucose blood draw. I came back later that day after work to take care of that.
Tuesday, we were able to get in for an ultrasound. It was so much fun to see her again...watch her fingers and feet wiggle, her mouth open and close. Her gestures and behavior already reminded me so much of a newborn...so incredible that there is actually a living being inside of me. You would think that since this is my 3rd pregnancy that the awe I feel when I carry a child would wear off, but it definitely has not. We also got to see a bunch of hair on her head...the technician acted a little surprised at how much there was at 32 weeks. So much fun!
This morning I got a call back from my OB's nurse saying that the blood glucose test from Monday came back high, and that I have to go in for the fasting 3-4 hour one this coming Monday. I am so looking forward to that...yeah right!! Malachi and I also have dentist appointments that afternoon, so I guess we'll see how that goes. Hopefully the long test will come back negative. Of course I am worried about Sapphira's and my health, but I am sad that if I do have gestational diabetes, I will have to be more careful about what I eat and not just be able to have whatever I feel like. Oh well, it will only be for another 6 weeks or so...I can do anything for 6 weeks, right? :)

Please pray...

We found out today that Samuel made an accidental error on his job application for the new job he was recently offered. When they did the background check, this error was discovered and because of this, they said they would no longer be able to offer him the position. He has talked to the manager at the store he would be working in and he is going to see if there is anything they can do. Please pray that if this is the right job for Samuel, things would be able to be ironed out. Thank you!!!

Pray...PLEASE!!!

Samuel got called this morning for an interview tomorrow at 2 pm. It is for a front desk type job at a State Farm agency and since he has worked in the insurance field for several years, we hope that the experience will help. He has been putting in applications like crazy and this is the first interview he has had for a real job, so we are anxious and hopeful. Thanks!! I'll keep you updated.

Bummer...

On Friday, Samuel got laid off. I think things will be ok. We have insurance through the end of the month, so we have some time to get that figured out. He can get unemployment, so that helps. We have been through this several times before...it seems like we lose a job every time something big happens to us. Samuel got laid off right after we got engaged. Samuel got laid off right after we got married. We bought our house--Samuel got laid off. We found out we were pregnant with Natalie and Samuel got his hours cut in half and I got laid off on the same day. A couple weeks after Natalie died, Samuel was laid off. When we were trying to get pregnant with Malachi, I got laid off (My first thought when I was sent home was "well, this means I'm pregnant!!"), and then about a week or so later, we found out he was coming. Now this. Oh well, we can either work really hard to make this easier and over quickly or worry (and that always makes things worse--at least for me!!). We've been through way more difficult times than this and someone always has it worse than we do. I just hope it doesn't last too long this time. :)

Please pray...

I stumbled across this blog a couple weeks ago and my heart just aches for her. Stacy's son, Isaac, will be born on Tuesday, but has been diagnosed with some sort of condition that probably won't allow him to live outside the womb. I can remember how it felt to be so close to meeting and saying goodbye to my child and being so scared of the unknowns. Please pray for Stacy and her husband Spencer...it's not too late for a miracle!

Urgent Prayer Request

Please remember the following request in your prayer time for the next few weeks:

At the church my parents attend, there is a woman who is pregnant and found out during an ultrasound that he daughter has anancephaly (sp??)--meaning she has no brain. The reason why this affects me so much is because Natalie died of a very rare and similar disability called acrainia (no skull). Both of these conditions are neural tube defects that are "not compatible with life" (as my OB put it). I have been praying for her and her daughter since I found this out. I was informed yesterday that she will be going in on Friday to give birth to her daughter. I know from experience what she is going through this week and in the weeks following and my heart is breaking for her. I don't even know her name, but I know that she needs our prayers. Please, please, please pray. I am at a loss as to what else to say...just please remember her in these next few days. Thank you.

It's been far too long...

I didn't realize until this morning that I hadn't blogged in so long. Malachi is really starting to do some fun things. He finally rolled over for someone other than me a week ago today. I was getting ready to put some clothes on him and he rolled from his tummy to his back for Daddy...so I'm not crazy...he can actually do it!! :) He has also started reaching for things. He will reach out for your hand and pull it in to look at or put in his mouth. We were with some friends and their 5 month old son last Friday and their son's favorite toy is plastic keys. We put them on their tummies face to face and Malachi reached for his keys. So cute. He is starting to become very vocal and learning that he can make tons of noise. He thinks that is great. And something very wonderful has happened (for Mommy and Daddy at least!)...we have gotten into a bedtime routine!!! At 8:45, we strip down for our lavender scented bath (the fragrance actually seems to help!) and wash up and play for about 15 minutes and then we go rock and nurse in Mommy's chair. We are usually asleep by 9:30 or 9:45. It's so nice...Mommy and Daddy can get some extra sleep!! Here is a picture from one of our play times...I mean bath times :)

Yesterday morning at 6:15 am, Samuel had a job interview in downtown Portland with another branch of the bank he currently works for. Right now he is customer service, but the job he interviewed for is more like a personal banker. He would work with customer's stocks, insurance and a whole bunch of other stuff that I don't understand or remember! If he were to get this job, he would get a SIGNIFICANT pay increase. This would be so nice so that we can start saving for our children's college and other future expenses, get our current bills paid off, get a bigger house in a better neighborhood and just make a better, more comfortable like for our family. They didn't say when they would hold 2nd interviews, but Samuel felt really good about the meeting and thinks they liked him. Please pray for the Lord's will to be done in this area.
Well, I hope you all have a good weekend!!

I'm all better!!

It occurred to me that I hadn't updated my blog to say that Malachi is feeling much better! After we took him off of the Tylenol like the doctor instructed, his fever never came back! SOOOOO thankful. Now we are just struggling with nap times not being on Mommy (I LOVE this, but it makes things a bit difficult!) or in the swing and trying to move them to his crib or pack and play that is set up next to my bed. Hmmmmm...a bit more of a challenge than I thought.
He is starting to love to play with his floor gym. He recently discovered that if he moves his arms, he can hit things, and those things make noise, and that is LOTS of fun! Crazy kid is starting to growl at the picture above the couch. He has always loved to look at it and talk to it, but now he growls at it...guess it's a good ab workout for mom from all the laughing I do when he does this!
Mommy goes back to work on Monday. I like my job a lot, but it will be very hard to leave him everyday. Oh well, we will get through it. At least he will be with grandmas and Daddy...that makes Mommy feel a bit better!
Well, that is all the interesting stuff I can muster up right now. Hope you all are having a great day. Oh and please remember to pray for Hannah's family right now. Hannah passed away on July 19 during a drowning accident. I have been visiting her mommy's blog. She has been posting regularly about how they are doing. So many awful things happening all around us right now, it makes you think about all the wonderful things you have and how grateful you are to the Lord for giving them to us.

Pray for Heather.

I found this woman's blog yesterday via http://www.5minutesformom.com/ (a really cool website by the way). She is having surgery this morning to remove a brain tumor. Her blog entrys concerning her thoughts and emotions about the surgery are profound, touch your heart, and give you strength to handle the more trival things in our everyday lives that seem so huge. You can access her blog here. The Lord has placed her and her husband and three children on my heart today. There is also more information on 5 minutes for mom about a 24 hour prayer chain that someone is setting up for her. I know that this woman is firmly in our Lord's grasp and it is incredible to see how many people all over the internet are praying for her and her family. Gives you hope--doesn't it!! Please pray for Heather.